What Makes a Good BDSM Top
What Makes a good Master/Mistress?
This is perhaps one of the most hotly debated questions in BDSM. Its different things to different people. There are a lot of different answers to this question…however a common theme running through it is the following:
* Care
* Compassion
* Understanding
* Skill
A person with these four skills will eventually be a good Master/Mistress. BDSM is portrayed (outside of our community) as a world of weirdoes whipping the living crap outta some poor subbie. Now we all know this is way off base, but beginners may get confused as to what?s what.
To this day I remember reading an article, long ago lost in the torrent of crap you now see these days, about a woman who was new to bondage and wanted to experiment with a ?Serious? Master.
She met this chap and due to her inexperience let him do what he wished to do. From the outset he abused his privilege and would use her as a trophy at BDSM meets (munches as they are called) and would subject her to extreme amounts of caning and abuse, which she assumed was all part of it.
She would daily ignore her Husband and children and drive the seventy miles to rub her ?Masters? feet. She eventually became tired and ill and just put it down to overworking and what was going on. To her horror, she discovered he had infected her with HIV after having sodomised and raped her at every convenience. She then realised, albeit tragically too late, that this Master was anything but. She lamented the fact that she had given up her Husband to pursue this and the fact she may never get to see her kids graduate High School. It is a nasty but true tale and it has, to this day, stuck with me, as it made such an impression.
To any wannabe Doms/Tops. Ask yourself, do you meet the four criteria of a good Dom above? If the answer is no, you really honestly need to rethink about starting to get into BDSM.
You need to be compassionate and caring and understand that above all you do, must be safe, sane and doing it for the right reasons. You need to learn to read when yes is no and no is yes. You need to learn the limits of your play partner. Not understanding can lead to a bad time and perhaps even worse when your subbie is subjected to things that he or she loathes, or is hurt. Then it’s gone beyond what should have happened. It?s beyond repair.
Topping is a skill, a skill like all others that must be learnt and honed to good practice, with care and compassion. Practice makes perfect. Once it is perfected it will be great to play with a partner, when you know in your heart of hearts that you can tie them up safely and not have to worry.