BDSM is fun, safe and probably the best fucking mind sex you will ever have. Do not make the mistake of thinking BDSM is just another form of sex. It is a whole different ball game. Its chalk and cheese baby! It takes time to learn, to trust your partner, to master his or her craft. The rewards however, once you have mastered the basics, are the most intense feeling you will ever experience.

The point at which people who would consider the pain to hurt, suddenly become warm caresses that take your partner into the most deep intense place they have ever been. A place so intense, it has its own name, subspace. At this point your partner is experiencing the biggest high of his or her life (for now!) They are flying. Ok, you may say, it sounds to good to be true.

What’s the catch? The catch is that you have to work, work, work at it and learn how to do these wonderful nasty things properly and safely to your partner who is begging for more. Nothing worth having is free in this world. Safe, sane and consensual is the ethos by which our community lives. Everything you do should adhere to the 3 S’.

People often think of BDSM as people who like different types of loving (to put it politely) but they fail to understand the key aspect of BDSM. The beatings, breast torture, cock torture, whatever floats your boat is just a visible sign/tool that helps the partners achieve what they crave. The craving for a most deep and intense connection that can be between them. A bond that transcends all others, albeit temporarily. It comes down to a form of sex beyond sex. Its mind blowing mental sex.

Once a submissive trusts his or her Domme, the Domme becomes the only thing in that world of importance. They control the vertical, they control the horizontal. They control everything. Once a submissive is getting into her subspace, she may trust her Dom so completely that she would do ANYTHING he wished. This is where the trust and responsibility comes into play. Remember: safe, sane, consensual. At this point, a submissive may have no idea of where she is, what she is doing and have no regard for danger, should she recognize it. A Dom who fails to learn and slowly apply his craft is a recipe for disaster. A Dom who doesn’t understand what he is doing or why, or worse doing something a partner doesn’t, may cross over the border to abuse.

Why do we do BDSM?. For most of us, your author included, they knew they were different for as long as they can remember. I recall seeing a female friend tied up when I was a young boy of 9 or 10 and I just knew that it made me excited. I had no idea why, I just remember that day as if it where yesterday. Some other people just drift into it. They hear about it and dare to try it, and love it so much that they cant leave it.

The point is that BDSM people come from all walks of life and all kinds of backgrounds, but have one thing in common, that of loving a different type of loving. Some of us may love to have our backsides tanned, and played with in ohh so cruel ways, whilst some of us love to dish out the spanking of a pert subbie butt. Its about pleasure, the pleasure of the sub should give pleasure to the Dom that they have released their partner to fly free as a bird. To experience new heights.

Who’s in charge. Now this is the first of many paradoxical things we will encounter. A BDSM scene will have two distinct people, the Top and the bottom. The bottom craves the nipple torture, the orgasm denial, the anal play whilst the Top seeks to inflict such pain and pleasure upon the bottom. How does the top know what’s the limit ? Does he decide that his bottom can take x and y, just because he deems it so. No, of course not. The bottom empowers the top. The top only has power because the bottom allows the Top to take the power, and the bottom to freely give it. Its called power exchange. Communication, the all important aspect of BDSM. This is THE MOST important aspect of safe and happy BDSM. Top and bottom should talk before hand about what will happen and what wont happen. Most importantly, limits must be set, by both partners.

As well as talking, to aid understanding is a checklist of activities you and your partner would undertake. A First step on understanding this and experimenting with it in a safe way can be found here, a simple eye opening introduction to show you the power of BDSM. I would however advise that both partners read up on the subject more. Ignorance is no defence, Some of the books I can personally recommend are “Screw the roses, send me the thorns”.

 If you can only afford one book, this is the book I would suggest. It is one of the best books available and has lots of good pictures, illustrations and examples as well as explaining the mental side of it. It really is worth its weight in gold. The other book I would recommend is “The topping book” and the “The bottoming book” Again both these books where written by a lifestyle couple who not only are experts in their professional fields as well as their bondage activities. These two books have been acknowledged as two of the best books available on the subject of BDSM from both the top and the bottoms point of view.

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