Article Posted - The Dos and Don’ts of a BDSM Relationship
It might not seem obvious but BDSM relationships require care, love and attention just as much, if not more, than normal relationships.
Communication is the key. You know subs are subs and Doms are Doms, but that is not all they are. They are people, like you and I, and have cares, wants, needs just as much as anyone else.
We often forget when we think up these wonderful naughty bondage sessions about how great this will be or that will be, ie visually and sexually appealing.
As most women of any sexual persuasion will tell you, make love to the mind and the body will follow. People see BDSM and all the tools and toys that go with it, they see the subs tied up and pleasured (as such!)…but with BDSM it becomes more than that, it becomes one of the best mind blowing sexual experiences BECAUSE it is about exploring each others sexual pleasures and wants. We all have some dark secrets that we are scared others will freak out over. In BDSM, in general, its hard to freak us out as we have one thing that others do not, lack of sexual inhibition and the freedom to just get the fuck on with it.
Just think about it for a minute, if you and your partner share your thoughts and secrets, it can open up a whole new dimension on play. After all, there are thousands of fetishes and millions of fetish players that play every day.
You were expecting an ABC? Well I don’t have one to give, so I shall just give you the following ideas and thoughts:
- Before even thinking about toys and whips and knots, think about what you want to achieve…where do you want to take your partner on a joyous mindfuck. What buttons do you want to push, where do you want to explore?
- Have you discussed any hard limits or issues. This is a biggie. Make sure you are completely up to speed on your partners limits, both physically and mentally, otherwise it can all go to crap pretty damn quick. Trying to force your playmate to do something they truly do not wish to do or have hangups about is one sure way to shut down play pretty quick. Especially since, In the eyes of your partner, you have abused the trust they have placed in you. This works both ways people, both from a top down and a bottom up. If you are unsure of your partners limits, find out in advance. If they do not want to discuss it try this excel spreadsheet as it will help avoid awkward moments !
- Dont blow the entire budget on expensive toys to start with. Kinksters, as you will find out, have to pay a lot for their toys. However to start with consider common household gadgets and settings. The good kinkster can pervert any household object !
- Respect is vital. You have to respect both yourself and your partner. It may be good if you both get off on calling him or her a “horny cum slut” during play but outside of the bedroom it is perhaps neither wanted or advisable to carry some aspects of bedroom fun outside the bedroom. It boils down to when out of play dont make the mistake of slipping back into play when its not appropriate.
- Respect is also important in that there are no rights or wrongs as to what is ok and what is not. Everyone has their own take on it, on what they want to try, what turns them on. It may not do it for you, but it doesn’t mean it isnt valid !
- Set the scene. This sounds easy? It is easy. Just put a little thought into what you are doing before hand and it can make a mediocre night into a night you will never forget. Do this by just doing simple things like making sure the room is cool and clean linen on the bed (or black silk if you prefer
) and music to set the mood, and Im not talking all slushy romantic stuff either. Just experiment. Also if your partner is a little tired/wound up a nice bath wash by you could reinvigorate their tiredness and give them some idea of what is going on. Also dont forget to farm out the kids to someone. That can be highly embarrasing not to mention strange questions later on. Also, sounds stupid, but make sure you have a free diary and plenty of time.
With these few ideas and (hopefully headed) potential pitfalls, you should be able to start to experiment a little bit and start (yes, start) to learn what a horny sex addict your partner can be when the inhibitions are lifted.